Little Green Men

Since the Superbowl is tonight, I thought I should post before that starts. I plan to eat so much junk and drink a few beers which will most likely render my brain useless.

I found a package of "Bendable Alien Toys" in the catch-all basket on our kitchen table (which holds so much crap we rarely eat at it - I mean, does anyone use their kitchen table to eat?). Anyhow, there's no point in keeping these. As you will see, they are still in the wrapper. While they are somewhat endearing, and I think Mark and I got them as I gag gift, some little kid will probably like them a lot and actually remove them from the package and play with them. Thus, the eighty-six is easy today! Plus, the Bendable Alien toys are green, which is very fitting for tonight's game - GO PACK!

 "We come in peace."
 - Bendable Alien Toy

And yes, eventually I'm going to figure out how to make photos larger.

Sometimes old is better

There are some inventions that withstand the test of time. The good, old-fashioned can opener is one of them. You simply place it over the can and crank the the mechanism with your other hand and the perforated blade cuts the tin can. Some people have tried to improve upon this. For example, this "handy" device pictured below that I got several years ago from a family member - I'm thinking it was my mom or grandma, but I can't remember.

Unfortunately, I have never liked this can opener or found it useful. Each time I tried to use it, I would be frustrated. It would take me three attempts just to get this thing to work and I have a doctorate (and I taped the directions to the top of it). Thus, I will take the batteries out - which probably have nearly all of their charge left because I didn't use this device more than two times - and I will send this can opener off to the Goodwill. If any of my family or friends is reading this and wants it, I will bring it to you if you text or email me. Either way, it's outta here!

5-7-5

This evening, I went to our hallway/linen/medicine closet for eighty-sixing inspiration. I'm always overwhelmed by the things I find there, like expired medications and lotions with defunct pumps, it's like I don't even know where the space begins and ends. But, then, I saw it. It's a bottle or perfume made by Avon called "Haiku". I've had this bottle of perfume for a long time. I even remember who got it for me - my Aunt Cathie. But, what happened to it? It was placed along with a bunch of other junk in the closet and lost forever and I forgot I even had it until just now. I sprayed it and I get the feeling - after all of these years - that it once smelled much better than it does at this point. The ironic thing about finding it was in the same area was an instruction booklet for one of the many thermometers I eighty-sixed at the onset of this resolution. Thus, this eighty-six is kind of two part by happenstance!

I leave you with this haiku about Haiku:

It is not your fault,
You were lost amongst the stuff,
Off you go, Haiku.

Diet - Cola - Other

Sometimes you have to go back to the same well for eighty-sixing material, so that's what I've done this evening. I've realized our utensil drawer needs help. If you're one of those people that keeps all of your utensils orderly, good for you, but this is not us. Our utensil drawer is a repository for all things random that may have something to do with cooking. So, I was digging around in there tonight and found a myriad of weird things, which I'm sure I'll get to later in this blog, including a plastic lid to a to go cup container. I took it out and thought long and hard about why I would have this in the utensil drawer. For one, it's not a utensil. Second, it's useless without the cup that goes with it. Then I realized that the cup that matches this lid is in the cupboard. It's been there for at least a year and I've never once used this lid with it. Thus, why keep the lid? The answer is easy - there is no reason to keep the lid. The lid simply made its way into the drawer for some reason and has remained pushed to the back for over a year doing nothing but taking up space.
I think the utensil drawer should be afraid of what the future holds - lots of eighty-sixing. It sounds crazy, but I swear I saw pipe cleaners in there.

Prediction

Groundhog Day started out well. Phil didn't see his shadow; thus, Spring will be here soon (I'm predicting March 21st). This was good news to start the day, but then I fell on the sidewalk just before getting in my car to leave for the day and my whole body, neck, and right side are currently suffering. It seems that where I work was the only place open in the entire state. It was ridiculous. Anyway, I'm not gonna type too much as I need to soak in the tub to see if I can prevent any morning muscle spasms or stiff neck syndrome. Plus, it hurts to hunch over this keyboard.
Anyway...for Christmas, my best friend, Lynsay, got me an iPhone 4 cover. At that time, my goal was to get an iPhone in the new year. As it so turns out, I wasn't that keen on the iPhone and I went with a Windows phone, which so far, I adore. But, that leaves me with a useless phone case. It just so happens that Lynsay plans to get herself an iPhone this month, the month when Verizon becomes AT&T's fiercest rival and also offers Apple products, so she can put this case to good use. I will give it to her Sunday when I see her for Superbowl. Perhaps she'll even have her new phone by then!
Stay safe and warm everyone (if you live in a warm state, I don't care what you do!).

"People like blood sausage too, people are morons"

So far, we have survived the weather. I was not a pretty sight this morning as I cursed at every person and thing I could think of as I dug my car from its ice encasement. Just as I had calmed myself - with images of kittens and puppies - my ice scraper broke. "Now this means war!" I shouted out as I tried to think of my next move - break something or regain my composure and not wake up the entire neighborhood with my ranting. Mind you, this is already twenty good minutes into Operation De-ice. So, I composed myself and remembered a baby ice scraper I had buried deep in my trunk's recesses. It took me a good bit of searching - which I had to do with one hand so I could hold up the ice-ridden trunk which weighed so much it could cleave my head off if my neck were to make its way under the latch. And there it was, the baby ice scraper. I thought of my old ice scraper - it eclipsed the baby ice scraper in all ways - and wished I could will it back together for just ten more minutes. It was magnificent, with a large brush and long handle, so useful and handy. The small ice scraper - one of those you see at a gas station convenient store - was hard to use because one simply can't get that much leverage behind something so small. But, it is what it is.
Then, it occurred me - I will have to do the same thing again tomorrow! And, while this upset me, I realized it's so fitting as tomorrow is GROUNDHOG DAY! I just love this day. Also, if I actually do stay home tomorrow due to inclement weather I will be able to watch Groundhog Day the movie, with Bill Murray, until my eyes fall out and I quote all of my favorite scenes (title of this post is an example)! So really, something good has come out of all of this bad weather.
Enjoy your Groundhog Day and remember to watch the movie if you haven't seen it yet. Bill Murray is truly genius.
And, in case you didn't get it by now, my old ice scraper is the eighty-sixed item of the day. Here's a pic of it - post glory days, of course.

Shine on

This morning I don't believe I heard Pierre let out an aidez-moi (help me) as I took out the trash. I hope he finds a like-minded chef in whatever land fill he ends up occupying. Today, I find myself in quite a hurry to find something to eighty-six before all the power lines become too heavy with a thick sheet of ice before they snap and send us all back to a time before electricity (and the Internet! EEK!). That's right, nearly a quarter of the country is bracing for homewardboundness as another large storm system sweeps across the nation. Mark went to the store today and characterized it as madness and the news is using words like "catastrophic" regarding the weather that's currently bearing down on us. I am not afraid. We have enough eggs, milk, and bread to go on for some time. We have a full tank of gas for our grill. I even managed to score gas for my car on the way home - yes, I'm one of those people that had an empty tank on the day Armageddon decided to take vengeance - as I was the only compact car at the station that could occupy the tiny space next to an oddly placed pump (sorry SUV suckers!). Thus, before I drag on any longer in this post, today I will eighty-six a pair of "Shine" batteries. That's right, not Duracell or EverReady (this word was in spell check!), just quite simply, Shine brand. They were part of Pierre's life for quite some time where they were nestled comfortably in his cozy chef hat. They are "extra heavy duty", made in Taiwan, and in the company's effort to make me feel like they are somewhat environmentally conscious folk, they have a baby pine tree printed on them. (Aw.) Alas, like Pierre they are useless; thus,they will make their way to the battery recycling bin at work - if I can ever get there again!
And now off to what I do best - nest and bake. I mean, I'm gonna need something to eat if it's dark and the power's out!